Here are some general questions and answers about homosexuality.

If you have any additional questions, or are seeking advice, feel free to email me.


Q. What is the difference between a homosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender/transsexual person?

A. A homosexual person is a man or woman with sexual attraction for someone of the same sex.  A lesbian is a homosexual woman.  Gay is another word for homosexual that can be used for both men and women, but is becoming more commonly associated with men.  A bisexual person has a sexual attraction to both men and women.  A bisexual may have stronger feelings towards one gender and does not need to be engaged in relationships with both genders at the same time.  They can be in a monogamous relationship with one person at a time.   Transgender is a term that covers a broad range of gender expression such as cross-dressers, drag queens and kings, and transsexuals.  Transsexual may feel as through they are trapped in the wrong body and may chose to live part-time in their self-identified gender.  Some undergo surgery to change their sex.


Q. Why do you refer to yourself as The Gay Mentor if you are a lesbian? 

A. As the previous answer states, gay is a word that can be used for both men and women.  I didn’t want to be too specific with my sexuality since my background is diverse and I know that I can be helpful to both men and women regarding general topics in the gay community.


Q. How do you know if you’re gay?

A. Pay attention to your feelings and attraction to others.  If you feel a closeness to someone of the same sex that goes beyond a platonic relationship, then you are probably gay.


Q. Can I overcome being gay?

A. You can definitely choose the lifestyle you want to live on the outside, but inside you may feel incomplete.  Discovering who you are and living in a way that you feel the most comfortable is a rewarding experience.  Many people have tried to subdue their sexuality only to later realize that their sexuality is innate and will not change.  How you choose to live your life is your own choice.


Q. What if I fall in love with a gay person?

A. Well if you’re gay and that person is single, I say go for it.  But if you consider yourself to be a heterosexual in love with a gay person, then your feelings will more likely not be reciprocated, at least on that level.  Even a bisexual person may have a sexual attraction to both sexes, but emotionally may be more romantically compatible with the same sex.  Either way, you may feel relieved to let that person know how you feel. 


Q. Why does there seem to be more gay people today than in the past?

A. There have always been gay people throughout history.  In recent years there have been more exposure to gay people through the media and various shows.  It seems that more gay people feel comfortable publicly acknowledging their sexuality today than in the past.


Q.  Are people gay because they haven’t met the right person of the opposite sex?

A.  No.  You are who you are.  People can’t make you gay or straight.  Although, meeting a special person may make you question your sexuality if you haven’t already.


Q. Why do people choose to be gay?

A. It’s not a choice.  Your sexuality is genetic. 


Q. What should I do if a gay person comes on to me?

A. Say “No thanks.” if you aren’t interested.  If you are interested, engage the person. 


Q. When do gay people first become aware of their feelings towards the same sex?

A. Probably around the same time as heterosexuals.  But many people do discover later in life that they have romantic feelings towards the same sex. 


Q. Why are gay people so aggressive and “in your face”.

A. Gay people are tired of discrimination, and anti-gay misinformation.


Q. Do gay people have low self-esteem?

A. No. Not all gay people have low self-esteem.  I am sure some of that has to do with genetics and a big part of it has to do with the gay person’s home and social environment.


Q. Do gay people like being gay?

A. I like being who I am.  I believe most gay people feel that way.  But I am sure some people for social reasons may prefer not to be gay. 


Q. What should you do if you think you may be gay?

A. You should talk to someone you trust about your feelings.  If you don’t know anyone you can trust or need more information about your sexuality, there are many resources available online or hotlines you can call.  Also, a local gay bookstore may have additional resources.


Q. What resources are available for young gays and lesbians, parents, and friends?

A. Here are some hotline and online resources:


Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere)

Fact Sheet: Gay, Lesbian & Bisexual Adolescents

Family Pride Coalition

Gay Health Site

GLAD (Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders)

GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation)

GLMA Physician Referral Program

HRC (Human Rights Campaign)

NGLTF (National Gay and Lesbian Task Force)

National Youth Advocacy Coalition

PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)

Youth Resource


GLBT National Hotline

GLBT National Youth Talkline
(youth serving youth through age 25)

SAGE (Senior Action in a Gay Environment)

Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States


Q. Why do gay people feel the need to be so open with their sexuality?

A. By default, we assume everyone is heterosexual unless they “ look” or “act” gay.  However, many gay people who may not appear to be gay feel very comfortable and proud of their sexuality and want to be themselves.  Additionally, some gay people may be offended by advances from heterosexuals, the same way some heterosexuals may feel offended by advances from homosexuals.


Q. Why do closeted gay and lesbian spouses come out of the closet after years of marriage?

A. Probably because he or she met someone of the same sex with whom they want to be, they are tired of living a lie, or maybe both.


Q. Is there a “cure” for homosexuals?

A. There is no need for a cure because there is nothing wrong with being gay.  Homosexuality use to be considered a mental illness, but since December of 1973 the American Psychiatric Association stopped classifying homosexuality as a mental illness in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual.  If someone tells you they can cure homosexuality, this person probably needs help or an investigation.


Q. Why do gay people flaunt their sexuality?

A. In my life, I have seen plenty of heterosexuals publicly displaying affection.  Gays should have that equal right too.  No couple should get too out of hand.  We have laws against too much PDA (if you know what I mean).


Q. What is a good reason for more gay people to come out of the closet?

A. So more people will realize how many everyday people, family, and friends are just like heterosexuals besides their sexual preference.  This would help to eradicate the negative stereotype of gay people.


Q. What should you do if you find out that your child is gay?

A. Be understanding, reassuring, and if you need to, do some research or contact an organization that may be able to help you deal with your situation.  I have listed several organizations on this site, and you can also do an internet search or visit your public library for more information. 


Q. What if you need to tell your child about a gay family member? 

A. Treat the family member like everyone else.  If your child has questions, let him or her know that gay people love just like everyone else and let the child know that your family member loves someone of the same sex. 


Q. How do gay couples have children?

A. They could have been involved in a heterosexual relationship prior to living a homosexual lifestyle.  Adoption, artificial insemination, and surrogacy are other ways for gay couples to have children.


Q. Should parents tell their child if they are gay?

A. That is for the parent to decide.  I would say that honesty is best if the child inquires.


Q. What do kids call their same-gender parents?

A. Well, that probably depends on how the kids were raised and what feels natural.  I have been with my partner for several years.  Her oldest child calls me by my first name, and her youngest child calls me Dad.


Q. How do I meet other gay people?

A. You can meet gay people through gay organizations, clubs, bars, social events such as parades, through friends, work, dating sites, personal ads, etc.  There are a variety of ways to meet gay people, or maybe one will find you.


Q. What do gay people do on a date?

A. The same thing as heterosexuals (assuming you aren’t planning on having sex)


Q. How do gay people have sex?

A. I won’t go into detail on that question, but if you want me to write a book, email me. (Sorry, no videos)


Q. Is there anything you can tell me about sex?

A. Well, it would be irresponsible on my part not to mention Safe Sex.  Wear condoms, use dental dams, and have your partner tested for any STDs.  If you want to have unprotected sex, please make sure it is with someone you KNOW you can trust and has been tested recently.


Q. In a gay relationship, who plays the husband and who plays the wife?

A. It depends on the individuals and what feels most comfortable.  These roles could also switch within the same relationship, or the individual could switch roles based on the type of relationship entered.


Q. Why do gay people want to get married?

A. Equal, legal rights.


Q. Why do people oppose gay marriage?

A. Prejudice and ignorance.


Q. Can gay people be open at work?

A. If you serve in the military, as I have, then no (although, I met plenty of obviously gay people while I was in the military).  Depending on the work environment will determine if it is wise to be open with your sexuality.  But most other jobs have laws to protect gay people from sexual orientation discrimination.  What I have notice in life is if people don’t like you, they will find a way to get rid of you.  And that goes for anyone, not just gay people.  It’s always important to be aware of your surrounding.


Q. Should gay people be allowed in the military? 20 September 2011 UPDATE!

A. There are plenty of people who have served, currently serve, and will serve in the military.  Many have been Honorably discharged after fulfilling their commitment, like me.  While other valuable members have been kicked out which is a complete waste of time, services, as well as tax dollars.  Gay people have always and will continue to serve in the military.  At this point, this needs to be openly acknowledged and allowed so that gay people can get the same equal rights and benefits as their peers. 

Trust me, being a part of the military is not something everyone can handle or want.  We need to appreciate the people who are willing to sacrifice for our country and treat us all equally. 


Q. Do gay people create a risk to the military?

A. No.  Only homophobic and ignorant people would say such a thing. I am sure someone that was in desperate need of cash, or had some extreme religious belief contrary to a military mission would be a far greater threat to the military (and somehow, they manage to join).  Due to the war, since 9-11 military standards have been lowered.  If the military is openly willing to allow criminals in the military, I really don’t see how anyone could reject someone for being gay?  


Q. If I am being investigated while in the military due to my sexuality, who can I contact?

A. SLDN (Service members Legal Defense Network), www.sldn.org, 202-328-3244.

20 September 2011

Update of DADT (taken directly from SLDN's website because who has time to paraphrase):

Timeline for Repeal

  • On July 22, 2011, President Obama, Defense Secretary Panetta, and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Admiral Mullen certified that the U.S. military is ready for “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) repeal, which will go into effect 60 days after the date of certification on September 20, 2011.
  • On December 22, 2010, President Obama signed the bill allowing for repeal of DADT.
  • On December 18, the Senate passed the House’s stand-alone DADT bill, 65-31.
  • On December 15, the House passed a stand-alone DADT bill, 250-175. This bill reflected the language of the repeal provision in the NDAA.
  • On September 21, Senator John McCain (R-AZ) filibustered the entire NDAA, which included DADT repeal, and did so again on December 9.
  • On December 2, 2010, Admiral Michael Mullen, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and Robert Gates, Secretary of Defense, told the Senate Armed Services Committee (SASC) they wanted repeal to happen that year.
  • On May 27, 2010, the House of Representatives adopted an amendment to the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) by a vote of 234 to 194 that would lead to the repeal of DADT.
  • The SASC added an identical provision in the bill it reported to the Senate the same day.

What Is "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"?

  • Passed by Congress in 1993, DADT is a law mandating the discharge of openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual service members. 
  • More than 14,500 service members have been fired under the law since 1993.


Also, an excellent book for service members and veterans is: How to Survive the Military and Make the Most of Your Benefits, regardless of your sexuality.


Q. Is homosexuality a sin or immoral?

A. No.  A lot of people will disagree with me, but fortunately society is changing and homosexuality is becoming more accepted.


Q. What does the Bible say about gay people?

A. Considering all the many verses in Bible, there is very little written about sex between men and absolutely nothing written about sex between two women.  You will probably be more likely to “go to hell” by cheating on a test than engaging in a homosexual act.  At least cheating on a test is a real choice, not an innate trait.  By the way, I don’t actually believe in hell, but that’s just my opinion.


Q. What did Jesus Christ have to say about homosexuality?

A. Nothing.


Q. What do other religions say about homosexuality?

A. Many religions consider it a sin, but will allow gay people to join, others will not.  Some extreme religions that exist today in other countries may even call for death to homosexuals.  Many countries in the United Nations have recently called to decriminalize homosexuality around the world.


Q. Are there places of worship for gay people.

A. Yes. There are gay churches and organizations across the country that support homosexuality.  Just find a local gay phone book from a gay store or do some research online.  You be might just be surprise how much open support there is for gay people these days.


Q. Can prayer help me become a heterosexual?

A. No.  If you suspect that you may be gay, it would be wise to find a support group for you, or email me.  If you are young and your family is very religious, then just keep a strong mind and know that you are special and important in this world.  Don’t worry about what other people may say about you.  Many people in this world are insecure and sometimes belittle other people because they want to feel better or more superior.  But really, they are closed minded people that really need to get out of the box and realize that not everyone in this world is meant to be the same.


Q. Can homophobia lead to death?

A. It depends on the individual and their environment.  There is a book called Prayers for Bobby which was made into a Lifetime show that my partner and I recently watched.  Bobby Griffith seemed like an ideal son.  Unfortunately his mother, Mary Griffith, a very religious woman, could not accept her son’s sexuality until after his suicide. 

Q. What do you say to Christian people who say to gay people that they love the sinner but hate the sin?

A. Well, in my case, I had an older friend that said that to me and I decided that he really wasn’t a good friend.  Even if he really wanted to be my friend, I am not the type of person that can tolerate such ignorance and false righteousness.  I am very selective in choosing friends and I accept my friends for who they are since I chose them.  I don’t remind them that they are sinners because they may drink alcohol, or may say a curse word, or whatever “Christians” may use to judge others.  Who wants to hear that nonsense?

If someone really loves you, they love you for who you are.  Not what they think you should be. 

The Gay Mentor Presents: Passionate Poems Volumes 1 & 2 is an excellent book full of love & passion. Volume 1 consist of poems written during my teenage years, and Volume 2 is the most recent.


Q. Are some people violent towards gay people?

A. Do an internet search for Matthew Shepard.  If you don’t already know how cruel and just plain evil some people can be towards gay people, you will get an example through the Matthew Shepard story that was also made into a movie for cable.  It was through his torture and murder that led to a call for a national hate-crime law that would include crimes based on sexual orientation. Matthew Shepard was murdered in 1998.  Despite two convictions for kidnapping and murder, the two attackers were never charged for a hate crime. 

In October 2009, President Barack Obama signed a law that makes it a federal crime to assault an individual because of his or her sexual orientation or gender identity.

If you want another example, do an internet search of Lawrence “Larry” King.


Q. What is a hate-crime law?

A. Hate-crime laws were designed to increase penalties for crimes motivated by prejudice.


Q. Are there organizations that work to combat antigay violence?

A. Yes.  The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, www.ncavp.org, addresses the problem of violence committed against and within GLBT community.  There are other organizations that can be found with a simple internet search such as this link: www.lambda.org/avp_gen.htm.


Q. Are there any positive movies I can watch with a gay theme?

A.  I am sure there are many.  I would probably recommend more independent movies.  The first gay movie I ever saw (or remember seeing first) was made in 1995.  This was around the time I was becoming more open with my sexuality.  I was in high school and it was a challenge being and finding people like myself. 

The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love (1995) is a movie I would recommend to anyone.  I rarely purchase DVDs, but this is one in my collection.  It really did make stars out of beautiful Nicole Ari Parker (Soul Food) and Laurel Holloman (The L Word). There are also DVDs available for shows made for cable such as Queer as Folk and The L Word.


Q. Where can I find books written about and for the gay audience?

A. My teenage years were filled with many trips to the central library.  I remember the first big (long) book I ever read was a lesbian book called The Well of Loneliness (1928), by Radclyffe Hall.  It is a classic and I recommended it to anyone interested in this category of fiction. 

It’s not that hard to find gay books these days.  You can go to the nearest library, and if their selection is thin, you can have another library send the book to your local library.  There are also sections in local bookstores such as Barnes and Nobles that carry a selection, and many books can be ordered for you to ship there with no down payment.  And finally, you can order almost anything from the internet.  Even Amazon may offer books you can’t get anywhere else because they may be out of print or unavailable.  Since Amazon and individuals are able to sells books at www.amazon.com, you can probably find something or many things that will fulfill your desire.

I plan to come out with a few books in this genre.  If you want me to contact you with information on my future books, email me.  I’ll make sure you get an autographed copy upon its release.


Q. Why aren’t there more gay athletes?

A. Professional athletes fear risking their career and lucrative endorsements.  Matthew Mitcham, an openly gay diver, won a gold medal at the 2008 Olympics.  Over six months later, at the time of this writing, he still has not received any major endorsements.  This has happened to several athletes that chose to be open regarding their sexuality.  They have had a difficult time finding jobs after their career, or received fewer endorsements during their career as an athlete.


Q. Do you believe there are more gay celebrities in the closet?

A. Absolutely.


Q. Should homosexuality be taught in schools?

A. It would make for a good topic in Social Studies class.  Gay civil rights are important.  We have come a long way in the gay community, and our story deserves to be recognized.  There is too much misinformation in the world that needs to be combated.  Gay people have contributed a lot to our society.


Q. Who should I contact to update our education policy towards gay studies?

A. I would talk to the school, congress, local teachers, and GLSEN, www.glsen.org.  The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network works to change school policies concerning gay and lesbian issues.


Q. Do colleges teach course on homosexuality?

A. Some do.  I am sure other schools are introducing this subject as society changes (for the better), and there is a demand for the knowledge.  Check a school, prior to attending if this is something that really interests you.


Q. Will learning about homosexuality in school make someone gay?

A. Learning about heterosexuality didn’t make me straight.  Sexuality is genetic, so nothing you learn in school about sexuality will change who you are.  Learning about Native Americans in school never made me a Native American.


Q. Is homosexuality against the law?

A. It use to be, or at least the sexual act was illegal.  There were sodomy laws in place throughout the country.  A U.S. Supreme Court decision Lawrence vs. Texas (2003) invalidated sodomy laws in all fifty states, the District of Columbia, and Puerto Rico.  This federal law overthrew state laws that prohibited private, consensual homosexual activity.


Q. Why do gay people need laws to protect them from discrimination?

A. Because there are a lot of crazy people/religious zealots that choose to make life difficult for people who are different.  Gay people need legal protection from people that choose to discriminate.


Q. Why don’t gay people have equal rights?

A. Because there are still some people who feel gay people are not a class of people, but instead are sinners that engage in sick behaviors.  Some people are still very naïve about human sexuality.


Q. Why do gay people always talk about “gay pride”? 

A. If you were born into a world that was automatically accepting of your sexuality, you wouldn’t need pride to encourage you to live your life authentically.  But if you ever been harassed, or discriminated against, then pride in yourself is a wonderful characteristic to have.


Q. Why are gay pride parades usually in June?

A. The Stonewall riot took place on June 28, 1969 in New York City after a routine police raid at the Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village.  This was a major turning point in the gay rights movement.


Q. Who was one of the most influential people during the gay rights movement?

A. Dr. Evelyn Hooker was a heterosexual psychologist that performed a social study on both heterosexual and homosexual men.  The conclusion of the study, after several expert evaluators could not tell the difference between the psychological profiles of homosexual and heterosexual men, was there isn’t a difference in adjustment between the two groups.  Her research results were submitted to the American Psychological Association which later led to the removal of homosexuality from its handbook of mental disorders in 1973.
This action helped to change society’s perception of homosexuals.


Q. How do other countries treat gay people?

A. It depends on the country.  European countries seem to be very liberal.  At the time of this writing, France recently introduced legislation to the United Nations to decriminalize homosexuality world-wide which has been supported by all European countries, Japan, Australia, Mexico, and the United States (under President Obama, President George W. Bush refused to sign it).  Many other countries signed on to the declaration as well.  Of course, there is opposition.  Some other countries still punish homosexuality by death.


Q. Do gay people have an impact on pop culture?

A. I am thinking of all the popular shows that air on both cable and terrestrial television.  You see gay and lesbian themed shows, supporting characters, decorators and designers offering advice, commentators, musicians, show hosts, etc.  There are definitely more gay people out in public offering creativity to the world around us.



You may send any comments or questions to: email@thegaymentor.com